What is Love?

Have you ever stopped to ponder that question? What is love? How do you respond when someone loves you? More importantly, how do you show love to someone else?

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” - John 15:9-13 (NIV)

Reflection

John shares with us the words of Jesus. They are beautiful words, but also ones that can leave us thinking for a while. Jesus speaks of love, commands, joy, and then ends by saying that the greatest love is to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

That last part is where I want to spend a little time.

When I was younger, I understood those words one way. I pictured someone taking a bullet for another person or willingly giving up their life to save someone else. Noble? Absolutely. That certainly is an incredible act of love.

Jesus, of course, was preparing His followers for what was about to happen. He would willingly give His own life for us. At only thirty-three years old He endured unimaginable suffering. He was beaten, abandoned by many of His closest friends, publicly humiliated, and ultimately crucified. What appeared to be defeat became the greatest victory the world has ever known.

But as I spent time with these verses, I found myself asking another question. Is that the only way we demonstrate the greatest love? Do we have to die for someone?

Over the years I’ve prayed some pretty unusual prayers. I’ve asked God to take blessings from me and give them to someone else. I’ve even prayed that He would spare the life of someone I loved and take mine instead. Thankfully, He left both of us here.

As I’ve reflected on this passage, I think I’ve come to understand another part of what Jesus was teaching. Love is a willingness to see past a mistake. It’s a willingness to stay in relationship when someone is going through a difficult season. It’s setting aside your wants so someone else can have what they need. It’s making sacrifices, sometimes large and often small, for the benefit of another person.

The more I think about it, the more I realize Jesus lived that kind of love every single day long before He ever went to the cross. He stopped for people everyone else ignored. He healed. He listened. He forgave. He showed patience to disciples who often misunderstood Him. He washed their feet. He fed hungry crowds. He gave His time freely to people who could offer Him nothing in return.

The cross was not the beginning of His love. It was the greatest expression of a life already completely defined by love. Pause on that a moment.

Later, Paul would write one of the most beautiful descriptions of love ever recorded. Patient. Kind. Not envious or boastful. Not proud. Not self-seeking. Not easily angered. Keeping no record of wrongs. Every time I read those verses, I find myself examining my own heart. Some days I do better than others.

The truth is we all have those moments. Sometimes we’re walking closely with God and loving people well. Other times we’re thinking mostly about ourselves. As I often say, you reap what you sow. The bill always comes due.

There’s another part of Jesus’ words that used to puzzle me. He talks about keeping His commands. For a long time that sounded restrictive to me. Today I hear something different. I hear loving instructions from Someone who knows exactly how life was designed to work.

Think about any skill you’ve ever learned. Someone showed you the right approach. Maybe it was cooking, woodworking, or fixing something around the house. You followed the important steps and the result turned out just as it should. Sure, you may eventually add your own style or your own seasoning, but you don’t ignore the parts that make it work.

I think that’s what Jesus is talking about. He continually went away to spend time with His Father. He listened. He followed His Father’s direction. He trusted Him completely. Then He tells us to do the same. The amazing part is what He promises. Joy.

I’ve experienced enough of life now to know that’s true. The more I follow His way instead of insisting on my own, the more often I find myself at peace. I may not always understand what He’s doing, but I eventually discover there was wisdom in following His lead.

So what is love?

I don’t think it’s only about giving up your life one day. It’s about giving of yourself every day. It’s overlooking an offense. Staying when it would be easier to leave. Giving your time, your attention, your comfort, and sometimes your own desires so someone else can flourish.

Jesus ultimately laid down His life for us. Long before that, He showed us how to live it.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You for continuing to teach me what love really is. I know my understanding has grown over the years, and I suspect I still have much to learn. Thank You for my wife, who has shown me what sacrificial love looks like in countless everyday moments. Thank You for my children, who taught me there is a depth of love I never knew existed. Thank You for my friends, who continue to teach me new ways to care for others. Thank You for the strangers who have unexpectedly shown me kindness, and for the opportunities You’ve given me to return that kindness. Most of all, thank You for Jesus. He loved me every day of His life and ultimately loved me enough to lay down that life so I could have this one. May I learn to love others a little more like Him each day. I pray this in His name. Amen.