This One Is Tough

This one is tough for me. There are times I catch myself wondering… is this all just one big game?

“Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.” - Romans 9:18 NIV

I’ve been reading through some devotional thoughts on different people in the Bible, and I keep coming back to this tension. Some of these guys didn’t exactly live in a way that makes sense to me when I think about grace. At least not from where I sit. Then you read about Jacob and Esau and it really presses on that.

Jacob, the younger brother, comes into the world grabbing Esau’s heel. And that pretty much sets the tone. He spends a good part of his life figuring out how to take what wasn’t his. The birthright. The blessing. Always working an angle, always thinking a step ahead.

It’s messy. It feels unfair. If I’m being honest, it doesn’t line up with how I would think things should go. And yet… that’s the one God builds through.

That’s where this verse in Romans starts to hit different. Because it forces me to step back and admit something I don’t always like to admit. God is operating on a level I don’t fully understand.

He is God. I am not.

That sounds simple, but it doesn’t always sit easy. There are times I question what He’s doing. Why certain things are allowed. Why some people seem to be used in ways that don’t make sense. You read about Pharaoh and it brings that same feeling. Raised up for a purpose. Hardened so something bigger could happen through Moses.

And if I sit with that too long, I start asking questions I don’t have answers for. Are we part of something we don’t fully understand? Are we just pieces on a board? Maybe.

But this is where I keep coming back to Jesus. Because Jesus didn’t spend His time explaining everything. He showed us how to live inside it. He trusted the Father completely, even when it led to suffering and death. That wasn’t about understanding everything. That was about trust.

And that’s where this starts to settle for me. Maybe I’m not supposed to figure God out. Maybe I’m supposed to trust Him. What also steadies me is this. We’re not where Jacob and Esau were. We’ve been given something different. The Spirit of God living inside of us.

God isn’t distant. He’s not just working somewhere out there. He’s right here. Guiding. Correcting. Pulling me back when I start drifting. That doesn’t make life easy. It doesn’t answer every question. But it gives me something solid when things don’t make sense.

And I can say this without overthinking it. God has been good to me. Not always in ways I expected. Not always in ways I understood at the time. But over and over again, He’s shown me I can trust Him.

So yeah… this one is still tough. But maybe it’s not about solving it. Maybe it’s about walking it out.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, I can get caught up trying to make sense of everything, and sometimes it pulls me away from simply trusting You. Thank You for Your patience with me in that. Thank You for placing Your Spirit inside me to guide me back when I drift. Help me trust You more, even when I don’t understand what You’re doing. Strengthen those who are struggling and help them see You clearly. I pray this in the name of Jesus who is my Savior and Lord. Amen.